December 27th

V-- Today was not my best run. But maybe I haven’t had my best run yet. Maybe it’ll be on January 7th. Some days (today) seem so much harder, but as long as we’re out there, I guess it should be considered a good day. I looked up ways to stay motivated during my run after Nick told me that physically he thinks I can do it but that I need to work on it mentally. A poor performance itself is a strong motivator for me, because I hate the fact that I didn’t do well and I can’t wait to prove that I can do better. There are plenty of reasons to stop: my blistered and bleeding toes, my knee hurt, my butt hurts, I need water, I need to pee but there are more reasons to keep going and thinking about them today after our run makes me want to try this route again.
One thing that was bothering me was my initial goal of under 10 minute miles that now appears unreachable that the race is coming up so quickly. We talked and changed our time goal for race day and I felt instant relief by our revised plan. I realized I am making it not fun when I keep getting discouraged and disappointed. Sometimes just scarfing down an energy bar and preparing my feet for the beating I'm going to give them is hard work.
I worry a lot about disappointing Nick, because he is constantly waiting on me. He told me today that he doesn’t care what pace we’re at as long as we’re not walking and that, too, is a reachable goal. Also, my breathing habits are not great, and I’m going to focus on breathing slower and deeper and practice “belly breathing” instead of chest breathing. It’s a simple change but I know I don’t currently belly breathe because, as a girl, we learn that sticking out our belly is not feminine. But neither is my potty mouth so I’m fine with sticking that girl out there if it means improvement. I got really winded today and almost marked it off as a bad day, but after a little reflection, I feel okay about my progress. I have seen improvement and should celebrate that instead of beating myself up. I am not changing my music much anymore and my knee and toes don’t stop me like they used to. I am grateful that I have such a strong running partner that keeps me in the game when I get discouraged. I look forward to improving my runs and mostly just having fun. Also, I'm super happy that it's not that cold out. Actually I'm going to start coming a little less bundled up because my shedding of clothes mid-run bothers some people. ;)